A Public FIRE Poem Letter To My Ex

YOU RUINED MY NAME. 

CALLED ME “PSYCHO” …OH, AND INSANE.

YOU LAUGHED SO HARD.

AND TOOK PLEASURE IN MY PAIN.

ALL BECAUSE I LOVED YOU AND WANTED YOUR LAST NAME.

DON’T FORGET, OUR MUTUAL FRIENDS WENT AGAINST ME AND MY TRUTH.

I GUESS THAT’S WHAT I DESERVE AS AN HONEST YOUTH?

YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME YOU HATED YOUR MOTHER.

AND TOOK PRIDE IN PLAYING ME AS IF I WAS JUST ANOTHER.

YOU CHEATED ON ME MORE THAN TWICE. 

WHEN I WANTED TO BE YOUR ARMENIAN WIFE AND MAKE YOU DAMATS RICE.

YOU LIED AND LIED AND LIED AND LIED AND LIED.

NOT UNDERSTANDING OR GIVING A DAMN ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF TEARS CRIED. 

I TOLD YOU 1.5 MILLION TIMES I WANTED TO WAIT.

BUT YOU TOOK THAT AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO HATE.

I WAS SUICIDAL FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS.

ALL. BECAUSE. YOU. INSTILLED. HORROR. AND. FEARS.

I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY ENJOYING YOUR TIME WITH YOUR RANDOM FAKE “WIFE”.

I’M SORRY I WAS TRADITIONAL IN MY VIEWS AND WANTED AN ALL ARMENIAN LIFE.

NOW GO REST YOUR KIDS AND TELL THEM A BED TIME STORY.

AND PRETEND THIS REALITY DOESN’T EXIST AND I’M JUST A MAKE BELIEVE STORY.

                                                                                                      THE GIRL YOU GAS-LIGHTED, 

                                                                                                                           DR. ANONYMOUS

Photo by: RE/Westcom/starmaxinc.com STAR MAX 2016 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Telephone/Fax: (212) 995-1196 8/28/16 Nicki Minaj at The 2016 MTV Video Music Awards. (Madison Square Garden, NYC)

Do we hate women that are rich?

Do we hate women that are iconic?

Do we hate women who are confident in being sexy in their own skin?

Do we hate women who are universally identified as being a symbol of beauty?

Do we hate women who do something that is different than us?

Do we hate women who stand up for equality?

These are all questions I want you to deeply think about.  In today’s society everyone is getting rather obsessed with pulling down and clowning any woman that climbs up the latter to success in her own way.  Could it be that women in power are a threat in someway to those who either can’t be them or don’t understand them?  What can we do as a society at large to embrace and make room for powerful women of different cultures/races to lead without being scolded or scrutinized for every single move that they make? I mean since when was anyone perfect? Weren’t we all put on this Earth to be given a chance to be the best version of ourselves?

It seems to be a theme, although we are in the year 2018, to constantly bash women who do what they want to do with their lives.  For example, Mrs. Kimberly Noel Kardashian-West is ridiculed and investigated on her motives till this day for everything she does.  We don’t need to dig into her past, because who’s past doesn’t have a few skeletons and rotten memories that we hope never surface?  The point is she is constantly remembered for what she did wrong and never celebrated for what she has done or accomplished      (Kim’s Accomplishments). When was the last time someone said, “Hey, you go girl…no one is perfect but you keep pushing higher and stay positive” –We’d like to say no one really.  Such a sad but true reality. 

For instance, another example is Ms. Nicki Minaj being pulled down and gossiped about after her so called “hate” towards Mrs. Cardi B and her career.  Why are we as a society so fixated on the “He said- She said” and not focusing on how these two powerful female rappers are capable of role-modeling female empowerment and collaboration?  It’s as though people get a HIGH off of just seeing these two powerful iconic artist attack one another. Are we programmed as humans to seek gossip and hate? Clearly in 2018, the answer is YES.  

Although this vicious cycle is getting crazier by the moment, it is not something new that anyone should be shocked about. Remember the iconic pop-star Ms.Britney Spears? The Miss.American Dream? The girl next door? You know.. the one that everybody looked up to, wanted to dress, sing, dance, and be like? Yeah, lets talk about that. Britney was an artist with numerous awards, top chart singles, albums, and music videos (lets not forget she was on almost every Magazine cover), oh.. and I think she was dating that popular N’sync guy? The second her personal life got displayed on social media, she was not able to keep up with her image, and society broke her. Yeah.. we said it, society broke her. Oh, and now that’s all we remember her as… “before and after meltdown” or “Britney crazy phase”. So, is this a society problem? or a personal matter? We like to say the latter, because if you recall, nobody is perfect. 

So the next time you say, “Don’t pull a Lindsey Lohan” or “Shes only famous from a tape,” ask yourself these questions:

Do we hate women that are rich?

Do we hate women that are iconic?

Do we hate women who are confident in being sexy in their own skin?

Do we hate women who are universally identified as being a symbol of beauty?

Do we hate women who do something that is different than us?

Do we hate women who stand up for equality?

And if the answer is YES, here is what we suggest:

1. Reflect on a time when you messed up in your life and wish that it wasn’t broadcasted in public.
2. Ask yourself how would you want your family and friends to react?
3. Would it be fair for people to label you and ONLY see you for your flaws?–No you say? Ya that is what we thought.

We rest our case.

(Image showing pay inequality from https://socl120.wordpress.com/category/sexism/)

Society today has accepted the fact that women and men are treated differently, especially in their work. Women are seen as inferior to men, but in reality, are they? The answer is no. Women are capable of doing the same quality and quantity of work as men. As a female in a work environment dominated by males, there are 3 main actions I have learned to take to create a comfortable work environment for myself.

1) Speak your mind

• Don’t ever be intimidated to speak your mind. If you have something to say then go for it. The response back may not be what you were expecting but at least you said your view of the matter.

2) Don’t always say yes

• No one expects you to be available at all times of the day. If you are asked to stay and you can’t then just say no. Don’t feel bad as you are not the only one who has rejected the offer to work more.

3) Never let yourself feel left out

• The job may be male dominated, but that doesn’t mean you have to feel like you can’t socialize with them. There will always be a topic, whether about an event in life or something that occurred at work, to talk about and bond.

Author: Ms. Arpi Khodagulyan, Cheif Content Director of WAC 

Dr. Elaine Burke and I met in 2013. She has believed in me since our fate driven encounter at Alliant International University. She gave me so much space to be myself and because of that I was able to create Women’s Advocacy Club. Some people like it, some people hated it. It didn’t matter, she believed in me making a difference by empowering my voice and never doubting my abilities. Because of her I’m sane and well. I can’t wait to write about you in my dissertation acknowledgements. Love you!

Let your soul go free. Don’t conform to standards of society. Don’t be a cookie cutter version of what everyone is. Be yourself, literally means do what your heart desires without questioning it or thinking what others will think of you. Chase the vision in your head that won’t stop appearing not the vision others think you should chase. Being creative is not WRONG. Being different is not WRONG. Telling people they have to all be the same when we clearly are not is WRONG. Don‘t explain your differences to people, instead embrace them and be true to them by loving yourself. The truth is people always have a reason to talk about you, so that shouldn’t be the reason you stop being yourself because sooner or later their chit chatter will die out and you are left with yourself. And the question you will be asking yourself is, why did I let those “people” stop me from being my true, wild, authentic self? Don’t worry, it happens to us all. Be lucky when you wake up from society’s hypnosis to conform and start spreading your wings and FLY HIGH. Higher than you can imagine. Our limitations were instilled in us, and taught to us by people who lived in fear from breaking the box. Don’t be that person. Break the box. Want to be the next president? Do it. Want to own a store or a corporation? Want to be a brain surgeon at the age of 40 due to a career change? Go do it. Nothing is ” too late” . No dream is “Too Big” because we were meant to dream and achieve. Now go out there and make me proud.

LENA 

So what? Things haven’t been too gravy or mac and yummy..lately. It happens to us all. Whether it’s related to work, school, family, friends or love. Life can be quite a shaker upper!! BUT come back like a boomerang. It’s okay to fall what’s not okay is to think you belong there and don’t deserve another chance with life. This time around you will be stronger to deal with whatever ocean wave comes your wave.  Every fall is a teaching lesson, and if we take the time to reflect and listen to our inner voices we will know what that lesson was.  Besides, we weren’t born to know everything, we were born to experience and grow from those experiences.  That’s why we are all so unique because we all fall in our own way and develop our own ladders of how to climb back up. Perhaps you have a good friend that can help you in that process, or a therapist..maybe a sibling…doesn’t matter who it is or if you are doing it completely alone. Keep in mind there is always a NEW DAY which means NEW YOU.

She is stronger alone than carrying dead weight,

She is stronger alone because she doesn’t need a mate,

She is stronger alone because she can wait,

She is stronger alone and believes in her good fate,

She is stronger alone and doesn’t feel alone,

She is stronger alone and will find a new throne,

Stronger alone, she will fight,

Stronger alone, she will give all her might,

For this girl was not afraid,

She got off the ground where she was laid,

None of his hurtful words could break her down anymore

Because she found the secret to her sanity and that was to be alone.

A month ago I attended the production of a show of “LIPS” at UCLA. One year ago I was finishing my undergraduate degree at UCLA and I had heard that student producers were inviting writers and actors to collaborate on a unique version of the renowned show “The Vagina Monologues.” Eve Ensler, who created “The Vagina Monologues,” had long been an inspiration for me in my own interests pertaining to gender issues and feminism. I had first seen the show many years ago in Sydney and had more recently learned that she was the pioneer of “V-Day” – a global movement to end violence against women. Her efforts were made known to me through a moving and memorable documentary I had seen in a women’s studies class. Therefore, when I was selected as an author for a monologue, I was truly honored.

“LIPS” was to become a modern day vision of “The Vagina Monologues” as the show’s creators realized that the original monologues, written in the 1990’s, had focused on white, heterosexual, cisgendered women and they wanted the new show to represent the intersectionality of inequalities. I could not have been more inspired to hear about a diverse range of struggles and triumphs pertaining to sexuality, gender identity, racial inequalities, domestic violence, body image and eating disorders. There was humor, vulnerability, courage, anger and tears and all of the actors did such an incredible job in making the intimate monologues come to life.

The next day I found myself reading an educational book to my children about the differences between boys and girls and human sexuality, and I was suddenly so conscious of one of the monologues I had heard that illustrated pansexuality – the sexual, romantic or emotional attraction toward individuals, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. Through that monologue I became conscious of the binary world we live in, pertaining to gender, and I started to question what I was reading to my children. This, to me, is art at its best. It had instantly educated and enlightened me and forced me to view the world in a completely different way the very next day.

The show concluded with a standing ovation and I just hope that the producers, writers and actors will continue to bring awareness to us with their talent and vision for sharing personal experiences in such dynamic and provocative ways.

#WomensAdvocacyClub

When she smiles…

When she laughs…

When she is as quiet as a dark silent night…

When she is hurt…

When she is confused…

When she is afraid…

Why does she always have to explain?

When she is hungry…

When she is in pain…

When she needs money…

Why does she always have to explain?

When she doesn’t want to…

When she wants to…

When she is content…

Why does she always have to explain?

When she wants to isolate…

When she wants to not marry…

When she wants no friends…

When she has no interest…

Because she is a she. That’s why she always has to explain.

Because… Because …Because…

Now she doesn’t explain anymore. She does what she wants and she likes it that way.

Her Soul. Her Life. Her Rules.