Reflections From AMBER ROSE’S #SLUTWALK 2016

outlookemoji-1473036514111_small_wac-jpgFounder and CEO, Ms. Lena : When I went to the Amber Rose Slut Walk 2016 I wasn’t sure what to expect. It was a little scary for me personally because this time I was representing a school and club as a vendor with my team. I was surprised at the turn out our booth had and how many people were interested in learning more about us. Although at times it was hard to stay present due to the heat, I was able to see past my discomfort and reap joy from the level of positive emotions I felt. This event meant a lot to me because it helped me deconstruct words of hurt from both men and women from my past. It brought to light the very issue of hate against women and gender inequality. I was liberated and felt validated for all my internalized feelings of inadequacy for being a minority middle eastern female. I felt part of a community that day, a community that wasn’t afraid to speak truth about being fed up with double standards, crimes against women, unequal pay, and etc. This event was life changing for me, it was a intervention that helped me see my inner beauty and deconstruct all the labels that were attached to me growing up.
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Co-President, Ms. Harriet: I am so happy that we are able to have a safe space to celebrate gender equality and work towards ending rape culture in a judgment-free environment. I look forward to attending Slut Walk again next year!
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Co-President, Ms. Bahar: The 2016 Slbaharut Walk was at first a culture shock for me. Coming from a conservative Iranian background where the topics of sex and sexuality are seen as taboo for women, I was at first uncomfortable being in an environment that was so open about sexual experience. However, seeing others celebrate and embrace these elements of themselves was really powerful, and helped dissolve a lot of the shame I tend to associate with women’s sexuality.

 

WAC Interviews Alliant LA Campus Director, Mrs. SBB.

Let’s get real. A lot of people can be intimidated or frightened to build a relationship with a school director. I mean they run the campus, hold a lot of power, and determine if you are good fit for the school or not. I get it. But isn’t it amazing to deconstruct that fear and actually learn more about the people who know so much about the institute you are getting your education and degree from? ABSOLUTELY.

I was very fortunate to meet Mrs. Stephanie Byers-Bell (we call her Mrs. SBB here!) early in my graduate school education and career at Alliant International University, Los Angles.  She was someone who would always provide me with mentor-ship and help me build my vision for the #WomensAdvocacyClub with our team.

Find below our YouTube Video and many pictures from various events that we have collaborated on!

Love ya Mrs. SBB! Keep helping students grow and flourish into the professionals they wish to be!!

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More photos from various on and off campus events below:

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Dr. Bella DePaulo: The Profound Pioneer of #Singlism

Meet #DrBellaDePaulo, AKA the “Profound Pioneer of #Singlism”.  I found out about Dr. Bella DePaulo and her work with singles in the year 2010 through my late writing tutor and mentor, #DrTamaSogoian. I remember it all so clearly. I was at Alliant International University, Los Angeles and found myself constantly fed up with being judged negatively due to my single marital status. It was only due to this frustration that I started brainstorming with Dr. Sogoian on how to bring to light this issue. She instilled hope in me and encouraged me to look more into the work of Dr. Bella DePaulo and what she had done with regards to singlism.  Being able to find a word that captured most my adult experiences helped alleviate hurt and pain. “Singlism”, was what I read on many of the articles and books by Dr. DePaulo. I kept repeating the word to myself and broadcasting it to all my friends, family and colleagues. Could this be true? There is a word to capture all the discrimination and judgement I have experienced due to being a single woman? YES, the answer was YES!! What a breathe of fresh air to know there was a doctor out there in the real world specializing in the very issue I felt was so important to address and research on.  It was with this discovery in my Master’s program that I knew I had to pursue my doctorate and work more on the issue of singlism particularly with my identified population, the Armenian Americans. As a doctoral candidate, I , Lena Magardechian am proud to be taking my time to really enrich my work with the advancements of today’s research on singlism by Dr. DePaulo. And hope to work more closely with her on publishing my work.  Once I had the opportunity to connect with Dr. DePaulo personally I knew that I had to interview her and understand her story of why she chose to study such a sensitive and dismissed topic.  So with that in mind, I complied nine questions below and asked Dr.DePaulo to answer them. And sure enough she did with no hesitation and a kind heart. Thank you Dr. DePaulo. This really meant a lot to me!

Read below for the full interview.

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     Dr. Bella DePaulo

The Interview:

  1. You have accomplished a lot in your career, what motivates you to bust myths and educate people about singlehood?

I’m motivated by the myths – the ones that say that the lives of single people are somehow inferior, and that if only single people would marry, they would magically become happier, healthier, more connected, live longer, and all the rest. Those myths are wrong, and I have spent nearly two decades of my professional life trying to debunk them. Unfortunately, they are very sticky. It is hard to clean them up. Lots of people want to believe that they are true, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/201612/why-single-people-can-t-catch-break.

I care about debunking the myths because it offends me as a social scientist when false notions get perpetuated, especially when they are misleadingly presented as having the backing of science. But I also care for personal reasons. There are now well over 100 million single people just in the U.S., and many more around the world. Getting told that their lives are second rate is personal to them. And it is just not true.

It is also just not fair. It is not fair to single people who may be wondering about a certain romantic relationship, and who decide to go for it, in part because they’ve been led to believe that their lives will be changed for the better if they do. Many may end up disappointed.

  1. When did you realize that you want to be a writer and author? Did you know you were talented at a young age?

That is so kind of you to suggest that I am talented as a writer! For a long time, growing up, I did not enjoy writing. I worried about it too much. I felt self-conscious about being evaluated by my teachers, and later, college professors. What changed that for me is when I took my first psychology course in college and had to follow the APA style manual in writing my papers. The manual sounded like a set of instructions to me. It didn’t seem like creative writing (and it wasn’t). So I didn’t obsess about writing at all when I wrote those psychology papers for my courses – anyone can follow a manual, I figured. That freed me not to worry about my writing, and I became less self-conscious and more engaged with my writing, without even noticing that such a change was happening. The next big step, much later on, was when I decided to go beyond the writing I was doing as a university professor who published in academic journals to write a book for a much broader audience. I went to a writers’ conference and did lots of other things to try to figure out how to write in a much more engaging way. That first book was Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After.

  1. How have you managed to put your work out into the public so confidently? Do you ever get scared of critics? If not, why?

When I first started publishing about single people and single life, I didn’t know what to expect. I was so heartened when most of the responses to Singled Out were so positive. It was especially meaningful to me to get personal notes from readers, saying how much they appreciated the book and how important it was to them to have their single lives validated.

There have also been critics. Sometimes I find the criticisms intriguing and I like to think about them and address them. Other times the criticisms seem mean-spirited. When I think people are just trolling me, I try to ignore them. Occasionally, people say things that hurt my feelings. For example, recently someone in a big online forum compared Singled Out to another book about singles and said she liked the other author’s style of writing better. I am proud of Singled Out and I worked hard on my writing and I’m proud of that, too, so that kind of remark was painful.

  1. What is your cultural background? What ethnicity do you identify with? Did that ever impact you wanting to become the professor and the public figure you are today?

All my grandparents came to the U.S. from Italy. No one on either side of the family went to college until my father took some courses in accounting. When I was applying to colleges, someone told my father that since I had good grades and test scores, I should apply to Vassar. He came home and told me. Neither of us, nor anyone else in the family, had ever heard of Vassar. I applied and got in, and then after that, I applied to Harvard for graduate school. My father was so proud he kept telling his friends about it over and over again until one of them told him to go tell someone else.

So it was a total surprise to me that I could end up at a really good college, and then a fabulous university for graduate school. A few months ago, an article in New York magazine, http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/08/the-new-science-of-single-people.html, described me as a “public intellectual,” and I still find it hard to believe that people think of me that way. It is a real honor.

To come back to your question, I think what was important wasn’t ethnicity so much as coming from a background in which no one at all in my family, in the generations before me, had ever done what I was doing. That was so different from, for example, what happened when I first got to Vassar. I met a classmate who said that when her family moved when she was in grade school, her father went around to the various schools to find out what percentage of their students eventually ended up at Harvard. That was his criterion for where his daughter should go for sixth grade. (At the time, it seemed like one of the most bizarre stories I had ever heard.) Eventually, I would meet many fellow students and colleagues who had academic parents. That intellectual world was totally unknown to me growing up.

  1. Has there ever been a point in your life where you felt ashamed to be single due to society, family, friends, etc?

There have probably been many people who thought I should have felt ashamed, but I never internalized that myself. The thing is, I never wanted to be married, so I guess that made it hard for other people to make me feel badly about not being something I never wanted to be. In a way, I’m proud of myself for pursuing the life that works best for me, even though it is not the life that is valued and celebrated in contemporary society. Only married life gets that kind of respect and recognition.

  1. What future do you see for the single community in the next 5-10 years? Will people start recognizing #singlism more?

I think two different trends will unfold. First, as the number of single people continues to grow, their status in society, and other people’s perceptions of them, should (in theory) become more positive. It is hard to keep believing that all single people are miserable and lonely when there are more than 100 million of them just in the US – and when many of them are single by choice! More single people also means more push-back on the singlism – the stereotyping, stigmatizing, and discrimination against single people. Singlist comments and practices will more often be recognized as such, and challenged and criticized.

The other trend is just the opposite. Because so many people want to believe that married people are better than single people, and that the only way to be truly happy and worthy is to get married, there will be some backlash to the rise of single people – especially the rise of happy single people. Some people find it threatening that single people can live happy, complete, fulfilling, and meaningful lives. They will resist those notions.

  1. Can you give us an example of you experiencing singlism and how you stopped it or didn’t stop it?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/201110/personal-history-passion-single-life-and-singles-advocacy

  1. What advice do you have for men and women who want to be amazing writers/authors like you?

It is so kind of you to describe me that way! I would suggest that people write about what they care about the most, and write in their own style. Also know that it is challenging to try to make a living from writing. Some people do great but many others struggle. Because so many people are willing to write for free (especially online), authors do not always get paid what they used to get paid and what they deserve to get paid.

  1. When is your next conference on#singlism?

I’m giving a TEDx talk in Hasselt, Belgium, on March 25, 2017.

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Read about Dr. DePaulo here: (Taken from her website)

“After many years as a Visiting Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara, I am now a Project Scientist there. It’s just a different title. I guess no one should still get to call themselves a “visitor” after well over a decade. I came to UCSB in the summer of 2000 for what was supposed to be a one-year sabbatical, and never left.

I am a 60-something year old. I’m single, always have been, always will be. Using a term I coined, I’m “single at heart.” Single is how I live my best, most authentic, most meaningful life.

I have a longstanding interest and expertise in the psychology of deceiving and detecting deceit, a set of research and writings on how we live now, and a true passion for the practice and study of single life.

To talk about singles or the psychology of deception, I’ve appeared on television shows such as the Today Show and the Nightly News on NBC, Good Morning America on ABC, CBS This Morning, CBS Sunday Morning, and the Early show, CNN Newstand and Anderson Cooper 360, PBS, Harball with Chris Matthews, the Discovery Channel, Lifetime, and the BBC. I’ve also appeared a number of times on NPR and many other radio shows.”

You can go to my CONTACT page to get in touch.

BellaDePaulo@gmail.com

Twitter: @belladepaulo

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bella.depaulo

LinkedIN: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/bella-depaulo/5/540/286

My personal interview with her is next. Please stay tuned.


 

Want to read more about Dr. DePaulo?

Find her published work references here:

 

Books and Journals

DePaulo, Bella. (2015). How We Live Now: Redefining Home and Family in the 21st Century. Hillsboro, OR: Beyond Words.

DePaulo, Bella. (2006). Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. New York: St. Martin’s Press. (Paperback edition was published in 2007.)

Reprinted in the Bedford Reader: The chapter on single parents and their children, from Singled Out.

DePaulo, Bella. (Ed.). (2010). The Psychology of Dexter. Dallas, TX: BenBella Books.

DePaulo, Bella. (2014). The Best of Single Life. Charleston, SC: DoubleDoor Books.

DePaulo, Bella. (2015). Marriage vs. Single Life: How Science and the Media Got It So Wrong. Charleston, SC: DoubleDoor Books.

DePaulo, Bella. (2015). The Science of Marriage: What We Know That Just Isn’t So. Charleston, SC: DoubleDoor Books.

DePaulo, Bella. (2011). Singlism: What It Is, Why It Matters, and How to Stop It. Charleston, SC: DoubleDoor Books.

DePaulo, Bella. (2009). Single with Attitude: Not Your Typical Take on Health and Happiness, Love and Money, Marriage and Friendship.

DePaulo, Bella. (2009). Behind the Door of Deceit: Understanding the Biggest Liars in Our Lives.

DePaulo, Bella. (2009). The Lies We Tell and the Clues We Miss: Professional Papers.

DePaulo, Bella. (2010). The Hows and Whys of Lies.

Bond, Charles F., Jr., & DePaulo, Bella. (2011). Is Anyone Really Good at Detecting Lies? Professional Papers.

DePaulo, Bella. (2011). Friendsight: What Friends Know that Others Don’t: Professional Papers.

DePaulo, Bella. (2013). When the Truth Hurts: Lying to be Kind. Charleston, SC: DoubleDoor Books.

Fisher, J. D., Nadler, A., & DePaulo, B. M. (Eds.). (1983). New directions in helping. Volume 1:  Recipient reactions to aid.  New York:  Academic Press.

DePaulo, B. M., Nadler, A., & Fisher, J. D. (Eds.). (1983).  New directions in helping. Volume 2:  Help-seeking.  New York:  Academic Press.

Nadler, A., Fisher, J. D., & DePaulo, B. M  (Eds.). (1983).  New directions in helping.  Volume 3:  Applied perspectives on help-seeking and receiving.  New York:  Academic Press.

DePaulo, B.M.  (Ed.). (1988).  Deception:  Part 1.  [Special issue].  Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 3.

DePaulo, B.M.  (Ed.). (1988).  Deception:  Part 2.  [Special issue].  Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 4.

Articles

Druian, P. R., & DePaulo, B. M.  (1977). Asking a child for help. Social Behavior and Personality, 5, 33-39.

DePaulo, B. M., Rosenthal, R., Eisenstat, R. A., Rogers, P. L., & Finkelstein, S.  (1978). Decoding discrepant nonverbal cues. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 36, 313-323.

Reprinted in R. Rosenthal, J. A. Hall, D. Archer, M.R. DiMatteo, & P. L. Rogers.  (1979).  An introduction to measuring sensitivity to nonverbal cues:  The PONS test manual.  New York:  Irvington.

DePaulo, B. M.  (1978).  Accuracy in predicting situational variations in help-seekers’ responses.  Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 4, 330-333.

DePaulo, B. M., & Bonvillian, J. D.  (1978).  The effect on language development of the special characteristics of speech addressed to children.  Journal of Psycholinguistic Research, 7, 189-211.

DePaulo, B. M.  (1978).  Accepting help from teachers — when the teachers are children.  Human Relations, 31, 459-474.

DePaulo, B. M.  (1978).  Help-seeking from the recipient’s point of view.  JSAS Catalog of Selected Documents in Psychology, 8, 62.  (Ms. No. 1721).

DePaulo, B. M., & Rosenthal, R.  (1978).  Age changes in nonverbal decoding as a function of increasing amounts of information. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 26, 280-287.

DePaulo, B. M., Rosenthal, R., Finkelstein, S., & Eisenstat, R. A.  (1979).  The developmental priority of the evaluative dimension in perceptions of nonverbal cues.  Environmental Psychology and Nonverbal Behavior, 3, 164-171.

Rosenthal, R., & DePaulo, B. M.  (1979).  Sex differences in eavesdropping on nonverbal cues.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 37, 273-285.

DePaulo, B. M., & Rosenthal, R.  (1979).  Age changes in nonverbal decoding skills:  Evidence for increasing differentiation. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 25, 145-150.

Judd, C. M., & DePaulo, B. M.  (1979).  The effect of perspective differences on the measurement of involving attitudes.  Social Psychology Quarterly, 42, 185-189.

Rosenthal, R. & DePaulo, B. M.  (1979).  Expectancies, discrepancies, and courtesies in nonverbal communication.  Western Journal of Speech Communication, 43, 76-93.

DePaulo, B. M., & Rosenthal, R.  (1979).  Telling lies.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 37, 1713-1722.

DePaulo, B. M., & Rosenthal, R.  (1979).  The structure of nonverbal decoding skills.  Journal of Personality, 47, 506-517.

DePaulo, B. M., Zuckerman, M., & Rosenthal, R.  (1980).  Humans as lie-detectors.  Journal of Communication, 30, 129-139.

DePaulo, B. M., & Fisher, J. D.  (1980).  The costs of asking for help. Basic and Applied Social Psychology, 1, 23-35.

Blanck, P. D., Zuckerman, M., DePaulo, B. M., & Rosenthal, R.  (1980).  Sibling resemblances in nonverbal skill and style.  Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 4, 219-226.

Zuckerman, M., Blanck, P. D., DePaulo, B. M., & Rosenthal, R.  (1980).  Developmental changes in detecting discrepant and nondiscrepant nonverbal cues.  Developmental Psychology, 16, 220-228.

Nasby, W., Hayden, B., & DePaulo, B. M.  (1980).  Attributional bias among aggressive boys to interpret unambiguous social stimuli as hostile displays.  Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 89, 459-468.

Brauer, D. V., & DePaulo, B. M.  (1980).  Similarities between friends in their understanding of nonverbal cues.  Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 5, 64-68.

Rosenthal, R., & DePaulo, B. M.  (1980).  Encoders vs. decoders as units of analysis in research in nonverbal communication.  Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 5, 92-103.

DePaulo, B. M., Zuckerman, M., & Rosenthal, R.  (1980).  The deceptions of everyday life.  Journal of Communication, 30, 216-218.

DePaulo, B. M., & Fisher, J. D.  (1981).  Too tuned-out to take:  The role of nonverbal sensitivity in help-seeking.  Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 7, 201-205.

DePaulo, B. M.  (1981).  Success at detecting deception:  Liability or skill?  Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 364, 245-255.

Blanck, P. D., Rosenthal, R., Snodgrass, S. E., DePaulo, B. M., & Zuckerman, M.  (1981).  Sex differences in eavesdropping on nonverbal cues:  Developmental changes.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 41, 391-396.

DePaulo, B. M., & Coleman, L.  (1981).  Evidence for the specialness of the “baby talk” register.  Language and Speech, 24, 223-231.

DePaulo, B. M., Brown, P. L., Ishii, S., & Fisher, J. D.  (1981).  Help that works:  The effects of aid on subsequent task performance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 41, 478-487.

Blanck, P. D., Rosenthal, R., Snodgrass, S. E., DePaulo, B. M., & Zuckerman, M.  (1982).  Longitudinal and cross-sectional age effects in nonverbal decoding skill and style.  Developmental Psychology, 18, 491-498.

Harackiewicz, J., & DePaulo, B. M.  (1982).  Accuracy of person perception:  A component analysis according to Cronbach. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 8, 247-256.

DePaulo, B. M., Lassiter, G. D., & Stone, J. I. (1982).  Attentional determinants of success at detecting deception and truth. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 8, 273-279.

DePaulo, B. M., Jordan, A., Irvine, A., & Laser, P. S.  (1982).  Age changes in the detection of deception.  Child Development, 53, 701-709.

Zuckerman, M., Spiegel, N. H., DePaulo, B. M., & Rosenthal, R.  (1982).  Nonverbal strategies for decoding deception.  Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 6, 171-187.

DePaulo, B. M., Rosenthal, R., Green, C. R., & Rosenkrantz, J.  (1982).  Diagnosing deceptive and mixed messages from verbal and nonverbal cues.  Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 18, 433-446.

DePaulo, B. M., Rosenthal, R., Rosenkrantz, J., & Green, C. R.  (1982).  Actual and perceived cues to deception:  A closer look at speech. Basic and Applied Social Psychology, 3, 291-312.

DePaulo, B. M., Brittingham, G. L., & Kaiser, M. K.  (1983).  Receiving competence-relevant help:  Effects on reciprocity, affect, and sensitivity to the helper’s nonverbally-expressed needs.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 45, 1045-1060.

DePaulo, B. M., Lanier, K., & Davis, T.  (1983).  Detecting the deceit of the motivated liar.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 45, 1096-1103.

Toris, C., & DePaulo, B.M.  (1984).  Effects of actual deception and suspiciousness of deception on interpersonal perceptions.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 47, 1063-1073.

DePaulo, B.M., Stone, J.I., & Lassiter, G.D.  (1985).  Telling ingratiating lies:  Effects of target sex and target attractiveness on verbal and nonverbal deceptive success.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 48, 1191-1203.

Reprinted in C.N. Jacklin (Ed.) (1992).  The psychology of gender (Vol. 4, pp. 54-66). New York:  New York University Press.

DePaulo, B.M., & Pfeifer, R.L.  (1986).  On-the-job experience and skill at detecting deception.  Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 16, 249-267.

DePaulo, B.M., & Coleman, L.M.  (1986).  Talking to children, foreigners, and retarded adults.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 51, 945-959.

DePaulo, B.M., Kenny, D.A., Hoover, C., Webb, W., & Oliver, P.  (1987).  Accuracy of person perception:  Do people know what kinds of impressions they convey?  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 303-315.

Reprinted in W.A. Lesko (Ed.) (1991).  Readings in social psychology:  General, classic, and contemporary selections (pp.44-63).  Boston: Allyn and Bacon.

DePaulo, B.M., Tang, J., & Stone, J.I.  (1987).  Physical attractiveness and skill at detecting deception.  Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 13, 177-187.

DePaulo, B.M., & Coleman, L.M.  (1987).  Verbal and nonverbal communication of warmth to children, foreigners, and retarded adults.  Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 11, 75-88.

DePaulo, B.M.  (1988).  Nonverbal aspects of deception.  Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 12, 153-161.

DePaulo, B.M., Kirkendol, S.E., Tang, J., & O’Brien, T.P.  (1988).  The motivational impairment effect in the communication of deception:  Replications and extensions.  Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 12, 177-202.

DePaulo, B.M., Tang, J., Webb, W., Hoover, C., Marsh, K., & Litowitz, C.  (1989).  Age differences in reactions to receiving help in a peer-tutoring context. Child Development, 60, 423-439.

DePaulo, B.M., Dull, W.R., Greenberg, J.M., & Swaim, G.W.  (1989).  Are shy people reluctant to ask for help?  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 56, 834-844.

DePaulo, P.J., & DePaulo, B.M.  (1989).  Can attempted deception by salespersons and customers be detected through nonverbal behavioral cues?  Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 19, 1552-1577.

DePaulo, B.M., Epstein, J.A., & LeMay, C.S.  (1990).  Responses of the socially anxious to the prospect of interpersonal evaluation.  Journal of Personality, 58, 623-640.

DePaulo, B.M., LeMay, C.S., & Epstein, J.A.  (1991).  Effects of importance of success and expectations for success on effectiveness at deceiving.  Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 17, 14-24.

DePaulo, B.M.  (1992).  Nonverbal behavior and self-presentation. Psychological Bulletin, 111, 203-243.

DePaulo, B.M., Blank, A.L., Swain, G.W., & Hairfield, J.G. (1992).  Expressiveness and expressive control. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 18, 276-285.

DePaulo, B.M., (1992).  Negotiating the thicket of truths and deceits in politics and in everyday life.  The Long Term View, 1, 5-8.

Kenny, D.A., & DePaulo, B.M.  (1993).  Do we know how others view us?  An empirical and theoretical account.  Psychological Bulletin, 114, 145-161.

Wilson, T.D., DePaulo, B.M., Mook, D.G., & Klaaren, K.J.  (1993).  Scientists’ evaluations of research:  The biasing effects of the importance of the topic.  Psychological Science, 4, 322-325.

DePaulo, B.M. (1994).  Spotting lies:  Can humans learn to do better?  Current Directions in Psychological Science, 3, 83-86.

–Reprinted in Annual editions:  Social psychology: 1996. Guilford, CT:  The Dushkin Publishing Group/Brown and Benchmark Publishers.  (Also reprinted in the 1998 edition.)

DePaulo, B.M., & Tang, J.  (1994).  Social anxiety and social judgment:  The example of detecting deception.  Journal of Research in Personality, 28, 142-153.

Ansfield, M.E., DePaulo, B.M., & Bell, K.L. (1995).  Familiarity effects in nonverbal understanding:  Recognizing our own facial expressions and our friends’.  Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 19, 135-149.

Bell, K.L., & DePaulo, B.M. (1996).  Liking and lying.  Basic and Applied Social Psychology, 18, 243-266.

DePaulo, B.M., Kashy, D.A., Kirkendol, S.E., Wyer, M.M., & Epstein, J.A. (1996). Lying in everyday life.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70, 979-995.

Kashy, D.A., & DePaulo, B.M.  (1996).  Who lies?  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70, 1037-1051.

DePaulo, B.M., Ansfield, M.E., & Bell, K.L. (1996).  Theories about deception and paradigms for studying it.  Communication Theory, 6, 297-310.

Schutz, A., & DePaulo, B.M. (1996).  Self-esteem and evaluative reactions:  Letting people speak for themselves.  Journal of Research in Personality, 30, 137-156.

DePaulo, B.M., & Bell, K.L. (1996).  Truth and investment:  Lies are told to those who care.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71, 703-716.

DePaulo, B.M., & Ansfield, M.E. (1996).  Detecting deception from nonverbal cues: Pinocchio’s revenge.  Legal Medical Quarterly, 20, 15-19.

DePaulo, B.M., Charlton, K., Cooper, H., Lindsay, J.J., & Muhlenbruck, L.  (1997).  The accuracy-confidence correlation in the detection of deception.  Personality and Social Psychology Review, 1, 346-357.

DePaulo, B.M., & Kashy, D.A. (1998).  Everyday lies in close and casual relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 63-79.

Anderson, D.E., DePaulo, B.M., Ansfield, M.E., Tickle, J.J., & Green, E. (1999). Beliefs about cues to deception: Mindless stereotypes or untapped wisdom?  Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 23, 67-89.

Lane, J.D., & DePaulo, B.M. (1999).  Dysphorics’ ability to detect deception: Completing Coyne’s cycle.  Journal of Research in Personality, 33, 311-329.

DePaulo, B.M., & Kulik, J.A.  (1999).  Roger Brown (1925-1997).  American                                         Psychologist, 54, 1128-1129.

Anderson, D.E., DePaulo, B.M., & Ansfield, M.E. (2002). The development of deception detection skill: A longitudinal study of same sex friends. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28, 536-545.

DePaulo, B.M., Lindsay, J.J., Malone, B.E., Muhlenbruck, L., Charlton, K., & Cooper, H.  (2003). Cues to deception. Psychological Bulletin, 129, 74-118.

DePaulo, B. M., Wetzel, C., Sternglanz, C., & Wilson, M. W. (2003).  Verbal and nonverbal dynamics of privacy, secrecy, and deceit.  Journal of Social Issues, 59, 391-410.

DePaulo, B.M., Ansfield, M.E., Kirkendol, S.E., & Boden, J.M.  (2004).  Serious lies. Basic and Applied Social Psychology, 26, 147-167.

Sternglanz, R. W., & DePaulo, B. M. (2004).  Reading nonverbal cues to emotion: The advantages and liabilities of relationship closeness. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 24, 245-266.

DePaulo, B. M., & Morris, W. L. (2005). Singles in society and in science. Psychological Inquiry, 16, 57-83. (Target article.)

DePaulo, B. M., & Morris, W. L. (2005). Should singles and the scholars who study them make their mark or stay in their place?  Psychological Inquiry, 16, 142-149. (Response to commentaries on target article.)

Bond, C.F. Jr., & DePaulo, B.M. (2006).  Accuracy of deception judgments. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10, 214-234.

DePaulo, B. M., & Morris, W. L. (2006). The unrecognized stereotyping and discrimination against people who are single. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 15, 251-254.

Schutz, A., Hertel, J., DePaulo, B. M., Morris, W. L., & Stucke, T. S. (2007). She’s single, so what? How are singles perceived compared with people who are in romantic relationships? Zeitschrift fur Familienforschung (Journal of Family Research), 19, 139-158.

Morris, W. L., Sinclair, S., & DePaulo, B. M. (2007). No shelter for singles: The perceived legitimacy of civil status discrimination. Group Processes and Intergroup Relations, 10, 457-470.

Bond, C.F. Jr., & DePaulo, B.M. (2008). Individual differences in detecting deception: Accuracy and bias. Psychological Bulletin, 134, 477-492.

Bond, C.F. Jr., & DePaulo, B.M. (2008). Individual differences in judging deception: Reply to O’Sullivan (2008) and Pigott and Wu (2008). Psychological Bulletin, 134, 501-503.

DePaulo, B.M., & Bond, C.F. Jr. (2012). Beyond accuracy: Bigger, broader ways to think about deceit. Journal of Applied Research in Memory and Cognition, 1, 120-121.

DePaulo, B. (2013). The proliferation of life choices and the resistance that follows. Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy, 13, 34-37.

DePaulo, B. (2014). A Singles Studies perspective on mount marriage. Psychological Inquiry, 25, 64-68.

  Book Chapters

DePaulo, B. M., & Rosenthal, R.  (1979).  Ambivalence, discrepancy, and deception in nonverbal communication.  In R. Rosenthal (Ed.), Skill in nonverbal communication (pp. 204-248). Cambridge, MA.:  Oelgeschlager, Gunn, & Hain.

Rosenthal, R., & DePaulo, B. M.  (1979).  Sex differences in accommodation in nonverbal communication.  In R. Rosenthal (Ed.), Skill in nonverbal communication (pp. 68-103). Cambridge, MA.:  Oelgeschlager, Gunn, & Hain.

DePaulo, B. M., Zuckerman, M., & Rosenthal, R.  (1980).  Detecting deception:  Modality effects.  In L. Wheeler (Ed.), The review of personality and social psychology (pp. 125-162). Beverly Hills, CA.:  Sage.

Fisher, J. D., DePaulo, B. M., & Nadler, A.  (1981).  Extending altruism beyond the altruistic act:  The mixed effects of aid on the help recipient.  In J. P. Rushton & R. M. Sorrentino (Eds.), Altruism and helping behavior (pp. 367-422). Hillsdale, NJ.:  Erlbaum.

Zuckerman, M., DePaulo, B. M., & Rosenthal, R.  (1981).  Verbal and nonverbal communication of deception.  In L. Berkowitz (Ed.), Advances in experimental social psychology (Vol. 14, pp. l-59).  New York:  Academic Press.

DePaulo, B. M., & Rosenthal, R.  (1982).  Measuring the development of nonverbal sensitivity.  In C.E. Izard (Ed.), Measuring emotions in infants and children (pp. 208-247). New York:  Cambridge University Press.

DePaulo, B. M.  (1982).  Social psychological processes in informal help-seeking.  In T.A. Wills (Ed.), Basic processes in helping relationships (pp. 255-279). New York:  Academic Press.

DePaulo, B. M., & Jordan, A.  (1982).  Age changes in deceiving and detecting deceit.  In R. S. Feldman (Ed.), Development of nonverbal behavior in children (pp. 151-180). New York:  Springer-Verlag.

DePaulo, B. M., Brown, P. L., & Greenberg, J. M.  (1983).  The effects of help on task performance in achievement contexts.  In J. D. Fisher, A. Nadler, & B. M. DePaulo (Eds.), New directions in helping (Vol. 1):  Recipient reactions to aid (pp. 223-249). New York:  Academic Press.

DePaulo, B. M.  (1983).  Perspectives on help-seeking.  In B.M. DePaulo, A. Nadler, & J.D. Fisher (Eds.), New directions in helping (Vol. 2):  Help-seeking (pp. 3-12).  New York:  Academic Press.

DePaulo, B. M., Leiphart, V. M., & Dull, W. R.  (1984).  Help-seeking and social interaction:  Person, situation, and process considerations.  In D. Bar-Tal, J. Karylowski, J. Reykowski, & E. Staub (Eds.), The development and maintenance of prosocial behavior (pp. 337-357).  New York:  Plenum.

DePaulo, B. M., Stone, J. I., & Lassiter, G. D.  (1985).  Deceiving and detecting deceit.  In B.R. Schlenker (Ed.), The self and social life (pp. 323-370).  New York:  McGraw-Hill.

Zuckerman, M., DePaulo, B.M., & Rosenthal, R.  (1986).  Humans as deceivers and lie-detectors.  In P.D. Blanck, R. Buck, & R. Rosenthal (Eds.), Nonverbal communication in the clinical context (pp. 13-36). University Park, PA.:  Penn State Press.

DePaulo, B.M., & Kirkendol, S.E.  (1989).  The motivational impairment effect in the communication of deception.  In J. Yuille (Ed.), Credibility assessment (pp. 51-70).  Belgium:  Kluwer Academic Publishers.

DePaulo, P.J., DePaulo, B.M., Tang, J., & Swaim, G.W.  (1989).  Lying and detecting lies in organizations.  In R.A. Giacalone & P. Rosenfeld (Eds.), Impression management in organizational settings (pp. 377-393).  Hillsdale, NJ:  Erlbaum.

DePaulo, B.M.  (1991).  Nonverbal behavior and self-presentation:  A developmental perspective.  In R.S. Feldman & B. Rime (Eds.), Fundamentals of nonverbal behavior  (pp. 351-397).  Cambridge:  Cambridge University Press.

Coleman, L.M., & DePaulo, B.M.  (1991).  Uncovering the human spirit:  Moving beyond disability and “missed” communications.  In N. Coupland, H. Giles, & J. Wiemann (Eds.), Handbook of miscommunication and problematic talk (pp. 61-84).  Beverly Hills, CA: Sage

Wills, T.A., & DePaulo, B.M.  (1991).  An interpersonal analysis of the help-seeking process.  In C.R. Snyder & D.R. Forsyth (Eds), Handbook of social and clinical psychology (pp. 350-375).  NY:  Pergamon.

DePaulo, B.M.  (1993).  The ability to judge others from their expressive behaviors.  In K. Craik, R. Wolfe, & R. Hogan (Eds.), Fifty years of personality psychology (pp. 197-206).  NY: Plenum.

DePaulo, B.M., & Epstein, J.A., & Wyer, M.M. (1993).  Sex differences in lying:  How women and men deal with the dilemma of deceit.  In M. Lewis & C. Saarni (Eds.), Lying and deception in everyday life (pp. 126-147).  New York:  Guilford Press.

DePaulo, B.M.  (1993).  Nonverbal communication of expectancy effects:  Can we communicate high expectations if only we try?  In P.D. Blanck (Ed.), Interpersonal expectations:  Theory, research, and applications (pp. 261-275).  Cambridge:  Cambridge University Press.

DePaulo, B.M. (1994).  Deception.  In T. Manstead & M. Hewstone (Eds.), Blackwell encyclopedia of social psychology (pp. 164-168).  Oxford:  Blackwell.

Kenny, D.A. & DePaulo, B.M.  (1994).  Meta-perception.  In D.A. Kenny, Interpersonal perception:  A Social Relations analysis (pp. 144-176).  New York:  Guilford Press.

DePaulo, B.M., & Friedman, H.S. (1998).  Nonverbal communication.  In D. Gilbert, S.T. Fiske, & G. Lindzey (Eds.), Handbook of social psychology (4th ed., Vol. 2, pp. 3-40).  NY:  Random House.

DePaulo, B.M., & Tornqvist, J.S.  (1998).  Deception.  In H.S. Friedman (Ed.), Encyclopedia of mental health (Vol. 1, pp. 675-685).  New York:  Academic Press.

Anderson, D.E., Ansfield, M.E., & DePaulo, B.M. (1999). Love’s best habit:  Deception in the context of relationships.  In P. Philippot, R.S. Feldman, & E.J. Coats (Eds.), The social context of nonverbal behavior (pp. 372-409).  Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Malone, B.E., & DePaulo, B.M. (2001).  Measuring sensitivity to deception.  In J.A. Hall & F. Bernieri (Eds.), Interpersonal sensitivity: Theory, measurement, and application (pp. 103-124).  NJ:  Erlbaum.

Tornqvist, J.S., Anderson, D.E., & DePaulo, B.M. (2001).  Deception.  In W.P. Robinson & H. Giles (Eds.).  Handbook of language and social psychology (2nd ed., pp. 271-284).  Sussex, England: John Wiley & Sons.

DePaulo, B. M. (2004). The many faces of lies. In A. G. Miller (Ed.), The social psychology                                of good and evil (pp. 303-326). NY: Guilford.

DePaulo, B. M., & Morris, W. L. (2005). Discerning lies from truths: Behavioral cues to deception and the indirect pathway of intuition. In P. A. Granhag & L. A. Stromwall (Eds.), Deception detection in forensic contexts (pp. 15-40). Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Morris, W. L., DePaulo, B. M., Hertel, J., & Taylor, L. C. (2008). Singlism – another problem that has no name: Prejudice, stereotypes, and discrimination against singles. In M. A. Morrison & T. G. Morrison (Eds.), The psychology of modern prejudice (pp. 165-194). New York: Nova Science Publishers.

Morris, W. L., and DePaulo, B. M. (2009) Singlehood. In H. Reis & S. Sprecher (Eds.), Encyclopedia of Human Relationships. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

DePaulo, B. M., Morris, W. L., & Sternglanz, R. W. (2009). When the truth hurts: Deception in the name of kindness. In A. L. Vangelisti (Ed.), Feeling hurt in close relationships (pp. 167-190). Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

DePaulo, Bella. (2009). Foreword. In Nika C. Beamon, I didn’t work this hard just to get married (pp. xi-xiv). Chicago, IL: Lawrence Hill Books.

DePaulo, Bella. (2010). Deception: It’s what Dexter does best (well, second best).  In Bella DePaulo (Ed.), The psychology of Dexter (pp. 65-78). Dallas, TX: BenBella Books.

DePaulo, Bella. (2010). For the love of Dexter.  In Bella DePaulo (Ed.), The psychology of Dexter (pp. 1-4). Dallas, TX: BenBella Books.

DePaulo, Bella. (2011). Everyone lies. In L. L. Martin & T. Cascio (Eds.), House and psychology (pp. 152-168). New York: Wiley.

DePaulo, Bella. (2011). Living single: Lightening up those dark, dopey myths. In W. R. Cupach & B. H. Spitzberg (Eds.), The dark side of close relationships II (pp. 409-439). New York: Routledge.

Casper, W. J., & DePaulo, B. (2012). A new layer to inclusion: Creating singles-friendly work environments. In N. Reilly, A. Gorman, & M. J. Sirgy (Eds.), Work and Quality of life: Ethical Practices in Organizations (pp. 217-234). New York: Springer.

DePaulo, B. (2012). Single, no children: Who is your family? In A. Vangelisti (Ed.), Routledge Handbook of Family Communication (2nd ed., pp. 190-204). New York: Routledge.

DePaulo, B. (2013). Happy singles. In L. Bormans (Ed.), The world book of love (pp. 46-47). Tielt, Belgium: Lannoo Publishers.

DePaulo, B. (2014). Single in a society preoccupied with couples. In R. J. Coplan & J. C. Bowker (Eds.), The Handbook of Solitude: Psychological Perspectives on Social Isolation, Social Withdrawal, and Being Alone (pp. 302-316). Hoboken, NJ: Wiley-Blackwell.

DePaulo, B. (in press). Big-time liars and their supporting casts: The trip down liars’ lane. In E. Mallot (Ed.), Lying.

DePaulo, B. (in press). Social psychology of lying. In J. Meibauer (Ed.), The Oxford Handbook of Lying. Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press.

DePaulo, B. (in press). Singles and mental health. In H. Friedman (Ed.), Encyclopedia of mental health (2nd ed.). Oxford, UK: Elsevier.

Book Reviews and Commentaries

DePaulo, B. M.  (1978).  Review of Observing behavior (2 vols.) by G. P. Sackett (Ed.), Social Science and Medicine, 12, 288-289.

DePaulo, B. M.  (1980).  Nonverbal communication:  A useful book of lists (Review of Nonverbal communication:  The state of the art by R. G. Harper, A. N. Wiens, & J. D. Matarazzo).  Semiotica, 29, 365-375.

DePaulo, B.M., & Bell, K.L.  (1990).  Rapport is not so soft anymore.  (Commentary on The nature of rapport and its nonverbal correlates, by L. Tickle-Degnen & R. Rosenthal).  Psychological Inquiry, 1, 305-308.

DePaulo, B.M.  (1992).  Should we bemoan or applaud the loss of innocence?  (Review of Children’s interpersonal trust:  Sensitivity to lying, deception, and promise violations, edited by K.J. Rotenberg.)  Contemporary Psychology, 37, 935.

DePaulo, B.M. (1993).  Little liars:  What lawyers want to know and what psychologists can tell them.  (Review of Cognitive and social factors in early deception, edited by S.J. Ceci, M. DeSimone Leichtman, & M.E. Putnick.)  Applied Cognitive Psychology, 7, 360-361.

DePaulo, B.M. (1996).  Review of By the grace of guile:  The role of deception in natural history and human affairs by Loyal Rue, Political Psychology, 17, 387-390.

DePaulo, B.M. (1997).  Truth and distortion:  Insights and oversights about deceit.  (Review of Deceit, delusion, and detection, by W. Peter Robinson.) Contemporary Psychology, 42, 711-712.

Annotated Bibliographies

DePaulo, Bella. (2011). Single people. Oxford Bibliographies Online. http://www.oxfordbibliographies.com/view/document/obo-9780199828340/obo-9780199828340-0055.xml?rskey=fIWfQt&result=114

DePaulo, Bella, & Bond, Charles F. Jr. (2013). Deceiving and detecting deceit. Oxford Bibliographies Online. http://www.oxfordbibliographies.com/view/document/obo-9780199828340/obo-9780199828340-0063.xml?rskey=MIo4AT&result=22

Workshops, Lectures, and Conferences

                         (Short List)

Advisory workshop on deception. Office of Technology Assessment, Congress of the United States, June 1986.

Workshop for high school teachers of psychology. Virginia Psychological Association, October 1994.

Workshop on the psychology of deception. Advanced Studies Institute for Polygraphers, Charlottesville, VA, September 1999.

Workshop on the science of deception. Sponsored by the CIA, RAND, and the American Psychological Association. Arlington, VA, July 2003.

Workshop on issues in working with singles. North Carolina Psychological Association, October 2006.

Workshop on the role of singles in society. Education Day. Turku, Finland, September 2013.

Bella DePaulo has lectured nationally and internationally. She has addressed a wide variety of groups, including attorneys, judges, physicists, mental health professionals, and high school teachers. Venues have included the NATO Advanced Study Institute in Maratea, Italy, the Criminal Lawyers Association in Toronto, the American Academy of Judicial Education, and the New York Academy of Sciences. She has also given many conference presentations, including papers, panel presentations, and invited addresses.

Beyond the Academic

DePaulo, Bella M. (June 18, 2004). Sex and the Single Voter. Op-ed, The New York Times.

DePaulo, Bella M. (November 21, 2004). Living Single, Seeing Double. Op-ed, Newsday.

DePaulo, Bella M. (July 5, 2004). Ditching the lipstick-and-panties pitch. Alternet.

DePaulo, Bella. (June 11, 2006). Newsweek is still wrong. The Huffington Post. (And many other contributions to The Huffington Post.)

DePaulo, Bella. (2007). Single all the way. In D. Mapes (Ed.), Single State of the Union. Seal Press. Emeryville, CA

DePaulo, Bella, and Trimberger, Kay. (January 14, 2007) Single Americans are hardly flying solo. Op-ed, San Francisco Chronicle.

DePaulo, Bella; Moran, Rachel F.; and Trimberger, E. Kay. (September 28, 2007). Make room for singles in teaching and research. Chronicle of Higher Education, pp. B44-B45.

DePaulo, Bella. (March 21, 2008). Living single: It is how we spend the better part of our adult lives. Psychology Today. (And other contributions to the Living Single blog for Psychology Today.)

DePaulo, Bella, and Althouse, Ann. (July 27, 2008). Singles discrimination. Bloggingheads TV conversation, posted on the opinion page of the New York Times.

DePaulo, Bella. (December 22, 2008). Yes, there is a single demographic. Forbes.

DePaulo, Bella. (May 19, 2010). Contribution to Room for Debate: “Politicians and their fake war stories,” New York Times.

DePaulo, Bella. (February 12, 2012). Contribution to Room for Debate: “A new American experiment,” New York Times.

DePaulo, Bella, and Buddeberg, Rachel. (January 14, 2015.) Do you, married person, take these unearned privileges, for better or for better? Truthout.

DePaulo, Bella (March 13, 2015). Discrimination against parents has vast implications for their children. The Guardian.

DePaulo, Bella (April 11, 2015). We want other people to share the worldviews we care about the most. Time magazine.  (Forum on the stigmatizing of women who do not have children)

Bella DePaulo’s research on the social psychology of deception and on singlehood has been widely reported in the media. Stories about her work have been published in newspapers such as The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, USA Today, and The Los Angeles Times. Magazines mentioning her work include Time, Newsweek, The New Yorker, U S News & World Report, Business Week, AARP Magazine, The New York Times Magazine, the Economist, and many others.

The NPR program, Justice Talking, invited Bella DePaulo to contribute an on-air essay on living single. She has also appeared on NPR’s Talk of the Nation. Dr. DePaulo has been a guest on many other radio programs as well.

Professor DePaulo has appeared on television shows such as, Good Morning America, The Early Show, CBS Sunday Morning, NBC Nightly News, Hardball with Chris Matthews, CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360, and CNN Saturday Night.

 

Dr. Susan Ellen Swim: An Icon in the Field of Marriage and Family Therapy

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Dr. Susan Rose Ellen Swim

MA, PD, APA, LMFT, RN, CEACRM, NISAPI, WAC, LPCC, PHD

I don’t even know how to explain without tears how powerful Dr. Swim is with her ability to deconstruct labels and dissolve pains of those who have been troubled in life. She has taught me the power of hopeful words and never giving up on people becoming the best versions of themselves.  She has this magic with using heart and her horses in the therapy session to bring mindfulness, calmness, a non-judgmental presence, harmony, and peace.

Dr. Swim will be interviewed to let readers get a more personal understanding of who she is, why she does what she does, and how we can learn from her expertise of the Recovery Model.

Let the InterVIEW begin:

  1. What motivated you to create such a powerful Collaborative Recovery Model in the field of Marriage and Family Therapy? 

    In the early 80’s Harry/Harold (Armen) Goolishian, Harlene (Harlena) Anderson, Tom Anderson, Lynn Hoffman, Ken Gergen, Johns Shorter and we are passionate faculty at HGI we’re a think tank of how to help clients heal from trauma and not be pathologies deemed by the DSM and Medical Model. We along with hundreds of colleagues viewed traditional individual therapy, psychiatrist, and psychologists as creating chronic populations in their well-intentioned ideas of how to help people. We never saw our clients or consultant (as we called them then (trying to avoid the deficiency and pathology of clients)…as people broken or sick. We believed ALL could heal and symptoms were from relational trauma not from a broken piece inside a Person. Narrative and SFT we’re trying to do the same but had too many cookie cutter ideas rather it is an easy process of one person talking to another and co-discovering and Co-creating individually tailored what they wanted to see happen. In the early eighties as today, I with witnessed massive healing regardless of symptoms or the labels the DSM would assign to them. Harry’s last Paper before his death was on the Dis-Diseasing of America, an attempt to show how the DSM, psychologists, and psychiatrist created sickness and “madness” I think the quote From Wittgenstein was we created a world of madness and fifth in heartfelt attempts to help. Harry always said our clients showed us how to heal and transform our clients. With the creation of NISAPI, it was a natural evolution of what I was taught and experienced. We added the recovery model and community engagement. Inthe recovery model all is geared towards helping recovery this goes beyond therapy. If a person has no food how can therapy help? With our first clients at NISAPI, it was very apparent all in the client’s community needed to be included. This included social workers, other practitioners, lawyers, schools, family members or friends. All clients and their families needed individual and family therapy and all voices in the “problem systems” to be heard and honored. It’s like taking a ten-year-old and seeing them once a week. As a therapist you may think you make tremendous progress but if you don’t have the buy-in of parents, schools, etc what is accomplished? The community of support (or the problem system) must be included. Our first client that you know that had all her children returned after not seeing them for three years taught us this. We saw the children, the estranged parent’s, the foster children and their children, the social workers and lawyers. All children were returned in 2011. The family reunified, the parents married again, and the children who wanted to be drug dealers are finishing college. This kind of transformation regardless of symptoms or situations transforms thus out 98% success reflected in our research. On a whim, I decided to do this on a horse ranch Wednesday’s and Saturday’s with my master and Ph.D. students from Loma Linda. From the first client, you could see a therapeutic relationship that never occurred in office therapy. There was immediate mutual trust, authentic, sacred and genuine conversations, and relational connections that led to individualized change without cookie-cutter techniques.  I say the horses legitimize is as a therapist for if you can trust someone who cares for loving horses you give therapists a chance.

  2. What made you decide to pursue your Doctorate after you finished becoming a Registered Nurse? 

    Hospitals neglect the individual person and their emotional needs in favor of trying to physically heal. As the head of an ICU at a major medical hospital, I had a client come thank me. Most clients released never can speak for their too sick. Here a woman I had to pack with a Clorox solution that gave insurmountable pain despite the morphine came to thank me for saving her life. She would pray to God as I packed her wounds. I quit the next day and miraculously was accepted even though late registration was over. I happened to meet the dean and he invited me to the program.

  3. How did you discover the power of using horses and therapy ?  

    Most people are in awe of a 1000lb animal who gives and receives love. It was miraculous to see how they reached out and loved clients who saw parents murdered, were sodomized, had been discarded. Loving on a horse while talking about sodomy and how your damaged cuts the pain and immediately changes the narratives to hope and plans of actions to heal. You never have to talk much about the past because the present and future is full of goodness and hope.

  4. Your approach is very non-traditional, you do therapy outside versus in the office. Why is that? What inspired you to go against the mainstream therapy approach?

    My love of my clients and knowing the healing that occurs as well as preventing clients from becoming chronic labels and broken people. I cannot express how many people (clinicians) have not understood and have tried to discredit our work despite our books, articles, and research. Thank God for the Taos Institute and our hundreds of colleagues for their support.

  5. What do you want people to know and remember you as forever? 

    I loved each eye I looked into. Tom said eyes are windows to our souls. I believed in each person and can remember all. I gave up being appreciated by “the mainstream” for the disenfranchised and hopeless. My life has been devoted to healing the unhealable. Our next step is family life coaching centers indigenous to where our clients live. By coaching, families can learn to resolve present issues, have new loving goals and prevent the tragedies that are occurring akin to the present news.

  6. What are the most important core values you instill in your trainees and interns when they collaborate with you and you supervise them? 

    A huge heart and compassion, selflessness, authenticity, process ethics, and courage.

  7. What self-care tips do you suggest our readers practice if they are having a bad day, month, or year?

    Love yourself and others and ultimately trust in God.

  8. Where do you see the field of Marriage and Family Therapy going in the next five years?

    I’m worried very worriedly about our field, especially in CA. Learners acquire hours before graduating and before their ready to see clients. We have too many programs. Many MFT’s have not healed themselves to see clients. Here in CA they get a chapter on postmodern therapies and learn individual theories to treat families. They learn what the late Lynn Hoffman said to look for the thing in the bushes. This means you look for what is wrong, convince someone their sick and then give advise to deal but not cure the sickness. As postmodern therapist and theorist we do not see nor concentrate on sickness and inadequacies but the strengths and agency everyone has but can be taken away in therapy.

  9. What’s your life motto? Or positive quote that you live by?

    Your clients will remember you forever with gratitude but it is a co-evolved process, we are not God nor magicians. We are only people journeying with our clients, try above all not to harm.

 

 

 

Read more about Dr. Susan Ellen Swim Here:

Dr. Swim has been on faculty at the Houston Galveston Institute since the early eighties.  She moved to Southern California from Houston in 2002 and continues to participate as faculty.  She retired in June 2011 from faculty at the Department of Counseling and Family Sciences at Loma Linda University in Loma Linda, California  where she specialized in teaching and supervision from a strength based and client involved  social constructionist viewpoint. Currently, Now I See a Person Institute is her full time endeavor.

She founded Now I See a Person Institute–Naturalistic Psychotherapy using Community Engagement: A Collaborative Recovery Model. This model of therapy is used for all populations and diagnoses. Now I See a Person Institute is a nonprofit organization for graduate and post graduate training and clinical services. Students from various universities come to learn and study under Dr. Swim.

At Now I See a Person Institute, Dr. Swim provides workshops and two certificate programs.  She offers International Certificate in Collaborative Therapies and certificate in Community Engagement: A Collaborative Recovery Model, developmental series on Collaborative Therapy both providing CEU’s. In 2013 she will launch an online developmental course on Community Engagement: A Collaborative Recovery Model.  At Now I See a Person Institute she also provides organizational development, life coaching, wrap around and recovery services.

With Now I See a Person Institute she is able to pursue her lifelong passion of training interns and trainees in a model of collaborative therapy that she has developed and researched over several years, Community Engagement: A Collaborative Recovery Model. Within Community Engagement are the premises that therapy is collaborative and self tailored to the needs of each individual. Here clients are “seen” as people and not diagnostic labels. Clients are “seen” within a safe environment and where they are not afraid to speak the unspoken.  Dr. Swim within her thirty year career has treated all mental health issues and holds expertise in these areas.

She is Editor Emeritus for the Journal of Systemic Therapies, on the Editorial Board for the Journal of Qualitative Research, and an Associate Reviewer for International Journal of Collaborative Practices. Her academic interests are teaching traditional courses while incorporating a social constructionist backdrop. She helped cultivate the on-line HGI-Taos Institute distance learning and continues to facilitate this on-line.

She continues presenting at state, national, and international conferences on Collaborative Language Systems for Individual, Marriage and Family Therapy, Supervision, Teaching and Research. Among her various interests are: academic teaching; qualitative research and publications on supervision, teaching, and clinical practice centering upon a social  constructionist perspective.- Retrieved from: http://nowiseeaperson.com/

 

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An Interview with Dr. Manijeh Daneshpour- The MFT Feminist

About Dr. Manijeh: “Manijeh Daneshpour is a professor of marriage and family therapy in the department of couple and family therapy at Alliant International University in Irvine, California and a licensed marriage and family therapist with 20 years of academic, research, and clinical experience. Dr. Daneshpour has served as the chair of Minnesota Board of Marriage and Family Therapy as well as chair of the election committee for the Minnesota Association for Marriage and Family Therapist. She is from Iran and identifies herself as a third wave feminist. Dr. Daneshpour main areas of research, publications, and presentations have been centered on issues of multiculturalism, social justice, third wave feminism, premarital and marital relationships, and Muslim family dynamics. She has studied Muslim families not as a religious group but as individuals, members of family units, and a distinct group within their own societal context. She has recently published a book titled: Family Therapy with Muslims using classic and contemporary family therapy theories in working with Muslim families cross culturally.”-Retrieved from: http://www.ispu.org/scholars/manijeh-daneshpour/

 

The Interview:

 

 

  • Did you face any challenges in your journey of becoming a doctor, professor, and systemwide director? If so, can you please explain to us what they were and why you think you faced them?

 

I faced many challenges in my journey in getting my doctorate in MFT.  I wanted to become a marriage and family therapist and not a family scientist and my program was very skeptical that a Muslim woman wearing a headscarf with a middle eastern accent can actually see clients in the U.S. and become a successful clinician.  They encouraged me to get a family social science degree and go back to Iran and practice over there.  I took clinical courses and found an internship without any help from the department and managed to get an academic job and also practice as an MFT for the past 20 years without any positive reinforcement or encouragement from my professors and supervisors.  However, in my professional journey, I have not faced many challenges. I have worked very hard, have shown impressive leadership skills, and have been highly qualified for any job that I have been offered.  

 

  • How do you define “feminism” ? Do you think Feminism is it important ? Why?

 

Feminism is believing in the fact that patriarchy has dampened women’s ability to use their full potentials to contribute in many positive ways to their societies and both men and women should fight for women equality.  I don’t believe that the U.S. is less patriarchal than many other countries and American women have more rights than many other places.  I also believe that feminist movement is very important because without equality between men and women both gender suffer the consequences of their gender socialization.  I strongly believe in any praxis that can help women use their true and full potentials in any arena they want. 

 

  • Do you think there is such thing as a “right feminist” versus a “wrong feminist”? Should there be a rule of how women/men should act and speak if they are feminists?

 

No, no, no…there are no right versus wrong feminist movements and there are absolutely no rules…this just takes away from our commitment to the real struggle we need to continue to be committed to. 

 

  • What are you thoughts about feminism now versus 10 years ago? Do you think we have progressed?

 

I don’t think there is that much difference between 10 years ago and now…we have not made as much progress.  The election of Donald Trump is the best example of how misogyny and sexism are alive in this country. 

 

  • What are some tips you would want to advice young women on who want to be in powerful roles in society like yourself?

 

I think women should become as educated, self-reliant, and strong as they can and never become financially dependent on men.  Women’s financial dependence is the biggest source of problems for women in all societies. 

 

  • How can we involve more men into speaking about feminism and gender-related issues?

 

Men suffer the consequences of gender inequality because they get boxed into behaving a certain way and believing certain stereotypes of themselves.   Women need to engage men in these conversations and try to convince them that gender inequality makes men and women suffer. 

 

  • Do you ever feel moments of exhaustion as a woman with a powerful leadership role? If so, how do you do self care?

 

Yes, I do get exhausted but I am on a mission to fight against stereotypes which make me very passionate about my leadership roles to make a difference.   I have a very supportive and loving husband who believes in the feminist movement and two lovely daughters who have been raised in a feminist household so they all help me ground myself and take care of my soul when I feel tired. 

 

  • And Lastly, did you ever face backlash from your culture and family for being a feminist?

 

I am very fortunate that I come from a long line of strong and independent women. My great grandmother left my great grandfather who was a very well-known religious scholar with 6 children and lived independently without divorcing him at the time that women living without their husbands were extremely rare.   My entire family of origin is very supportive of strong women’s roles.  My father put me in an all boy school when I was growing up because he believed that gender is a social construct and wanted me to learn to become a strong leader. My two sisters who are 7 years older and 8 years younger than I are also both professors with high leadership positions in universities in Iran.    

alliant

Publications:

Muslim families and family therapy

Social axioms in Iran and Canada: Intercultural contact, coping and adjustment

Factors of successful marriage: Accounts from self described happy couples

Lives together, worlds apart? The lives of multicultural Muslim couples

Cancer’s impact on spousal caregiver health: A qualitative analysis in grounded theory

An examination of proactive coping and social beliefs among Christians and Muslims

Bridges crossed, paths traveled: Muslim intercultural couples

Couple therapy with Muslims: challenges and opportunities

Iranian successful family functioning: Communication

Stress and Adaptation among Iranian Families: A Multisystem Model of Personal, Couple, Family, and Work System

Self Described Happy Couples and Factors of Successful Marriage in Iran

Exploration of Cross-Cultural Couples’ Marital Adjustment: Iranian American Women Married to European American Men

Family Therapy with Muslims

Exploration of CrossCultural Couples’ Marital Adjustment: Iranian American Women Married to European American Men

A ‘mini-narrative” about my Praxis as a Muslim Feminist.

Cultural Neuroscience: Child and Adolescent Brain Development.

Cancer’s Impact on Caregiver Emotional Health: A Qualitative Analysis in Grounded Theory.

Self described happy couples and factors of successful marriage in Iran

Guest Editor’s Introduction: Systemic Thinking in Working with Muslim Families: The Importance of Marriage and Family Therapy Perspective

Factors of successful marriage: Accounts from self-described happy couples

Steadying the Tectonic Plates

Bridges Crossed, Paths Traveled Muslim Intercultural Couples Manijeh Daneshpour

My immigration Journey from Iran to Utah!.

Muslim Immigrant Families: Strengths and Challenges

Book Review: Explorations in Privilege, Oppression and Diversity by Sharon K. Anderson & Valerie Middleton

Book Review: Spiritual Resources in Family Therapy, Walsh, F. (1999). New York, NY, 301 pages, Guilford Press.

 

Dr. Manijeh Daneshpour, I look up to you!

I was a bit intimidated at first and wasn’t sure how my meeting with her would go.  I had never seen a Middle Eastern woman in a powerful educational role in all my years of growing up.  Which is sad but true.  And no, I’m not exaggerating. She not only look liked me, showed my same cultural mannerism/values, and came from my same country, Iran. Oh, and I think her office had a Persian Rug!!  This was a sign of HOPE. Hope that women like me and before me EXIST. Yes !!! Hope that I could break all the barriers between me and my dreams. Hope that I could break all the stereotypes about Middle Eastern women. That I too could mentor and lead people of all walks of life and be RESPECTED.

As soon as I arrived in Irvine, I was honored, I was emotional, I was in pain, and I was excited. Too much happening at the same time you say? I agree.  I am not sure, all I knew was it was finally a sign from God telling me he was sending me an angel whom I would get to collaborate with. During our meeting, it felt as though I didn’t have to try hard to explain myself.  It’s almost like she knew me and my challenges growing up without me stating them. She was someone who would finish my sentences without me even trying to explain all my pains and hurts. Someone who saw me as a person, as a woman, as a Persian-Armenian-American without judgment.

What made me really admire Dr. Manijeh was her ability to EMPOWHER. She had nothing but great things to say about me and my future. She believed in me with such conviction and no doubts what so ever. It was a breath of fresh air as a minority woman, No DOUBT. After our discussion she was supportive in me creating the #WomensAdvocacyClub at all the Alliant Campuses and publishing my dissertation on #Singlism among Armenian Americans women. Why is this important to me? Because all throughout my life both people of power and people who I cared about undermined my abilities to conquer great dreams. This was mainly because I didn’t fit into the box they wanted me to fit in. When people of power empower those who are trying to be the best they can be it is very encouraging.

Ah, felt good to share this with all of you. Stay tuned. I will be interviewing Dr. Manijeh soon!

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Focus

Focus on being authentic instead of always being liked. Focus on being genuine instead of having the upper hand. Focus on being happy instead of being right.
Focus on being yourself and how you can improve instead of changing everyone around you.
Believe that focus with intent on the things you want and need will be attained once you give it the proper attention and fuel. Like any plant, it must be loved, spoken to positively, watered, given nutrients and vitamin D from the sun in order for it to grow.
What makes you think humans don’t grow with the same formula as the plant? We humans and huwomans need nourishing relationships, good thoughts for our mind and soul, vitamins to grow and flourish.cropped-womens.jpg
Keep these doctors contacts with you at all times that I provide below. They have been my best friends everyday.
Dr. Sun- Gives me energy, light in darkness, warmth.
Dr. Water- Keeps me refreshed and cool, and is always transparent with me.
Dr. Sleep- Helps me stay rested and take a break from all the stimuli society has to share, especially with social media.
Dr. Earth- Keeps me grounded. Reminds me that the ground always stays down and is humble. Assures me that gravity is always the rule and fact of life.
Dr. Food- Keeping me fueled in the morning all throughout night. When I remember that I am not functioning properly, I just call Dr. Food and fill up on my nutrients. We all need Dr. Food to stay happy and not be ANGRY.
Dr. AIR- BREATH in and Out. It’s free and can do wonders for you daily. Focus on it and it can solve a lot of your issues. Just ask @John Kabat-Zinn! (http://www.mindfulnesscds.com/ )
Dr. Love- Give it to get it. The soul gets thirsty for attention and wants to know that it is needed and wanted. Feeling empty in this area in your life? Then make it a priority to get it FILLED UP! Call a friend, a past lover, a soulmate, a partner, a mentor, a colleague, a cousin. Fill that void with the energy of love and appreciation. We ALL need it.